ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
