I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
