my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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