Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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