Ketchup is God's man juice
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
