It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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