So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
