Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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