You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
