i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
