Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
