What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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