Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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