Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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