If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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