I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
