TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
