Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
