Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
