It's Friday. Sex?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
