It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
