And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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