i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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