Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
