my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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