my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
