Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
