You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
