i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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