He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you win again, gameday.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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