This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
