All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
