I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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