Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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