He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
