I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
