You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
