Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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