Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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