I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
