Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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