So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
