dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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