plz talk dirty to me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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