Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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