dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
