her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
