I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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