We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
