So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
