Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
