Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
