How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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