even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
