Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
