And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize