Midget sex pt 2 tonight
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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