he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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