i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
