Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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