your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
