the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
