I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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