hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
