This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
